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aekola
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Birthday: 7/14/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Photography, fashion design, singing, science, surfing the net, talking with friends online, hanging out with friends, hanging out with family, crocheting, tunisian/tricot/afghan crocheting, editing photos, chemistry, bowling, softball, floor hockey, watching videos, reading, bible, drawing, country music, jazz music, pop music, classical music, anything Italian, military (Navy/Naval Reserve), Latin, Roman history, pharmacy, making new friends, long interesting conversations, Michael Buble, Ewan McGregor, Brad Paisley, Alan Jackson, Joe Nichols, watching old movies (Doris Day & Rock Hudson kind of stuff), going to the beach, playing with my dogs and my cats, sitting outside, riding my bike,
Expertise: (not very much): Photography, Fashion Design, Computer Skills, Science, Singing.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  aekola14
Member Since:
8/6/2003
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| why do people have to so god damned fucking mean? i hate this. i feel like shit right now. as hard as i try to be nice to people (usually not my really good friends but thats different), at least people i don't know very well i always seem to get shit on. some people have noticed that my hands shake at times. only a few people have mentioned it, including my high school latin teacher and some ocd smoker bitch in my chem class. it doesn't bother me bc it comes and goes and usually won't interfere with anything major unless i'm really stressed at a high emotional state (which i believe i'm at right now but i didn't think it was that bad today). so i was in lab today and we had to measure and mix alot of things and I was just minding my own business adding who knows what and the ocd smoker bitch comes up to me and says "your hands are shaking" i wanted to say no shit sherlock but i'm nice :P so i just said "yeah" i mean what am i supposed to say? *oh really they are? because i wouldn't know because they are only attached to my fucking body.* so she asked "why?" okay even if i knew why they were shaking why would i tell you? what if i have some sickness i don't want anyone pitying me for or something. and why does it matter why they are shaking, they're shaking thats it. i could of just said because i'm sick, which i am. or that i'm stressed right now because i was in a car accident over break and saw headlights coming right for me. or because i skipped lunch because i'm sick and didn't feel like eating before my 3hr lab (which was stupid, i should of eaten) but i didn't say that because i was frustrated with her asking me that. so i just said "i don't know, they've been doing that since i was in the third grade" okay i don't remember when it started but i think it was in elementary or middle school. who knows i try to block all that time out. so that was the end of that conversation. but it still really pissed me off. so i get out of lab and for some reason i just go to the ladies room and just start cry who knows why...its been a hard couple of day and hell it's been a hard year for me. plus, i know no one wants to know this but i'm on my period and i usually get emotional half way through so...yeah. then after crying i start questioning my life and my major and choices i've been making. i even questioned the emotions i was feeling...if i was really feeling what i thought i was feeling or was i just follow some sort of cultural trend or something...i don't know how to explain it. I've been doing that lately i've just been getting stuck in my own thoughts and self doubts to the point of wanting to hit something. if i told anyone this, especially my mom i'm afraid they'd make me see a shrink or something and make me take some anti anxiety pills, i really don't wanna do that. okay ya know what i'm done with my rant now. | | |
| I just thought I'd update anyone who reads this. My prediction was correct. Everything was fine before winter break but now nothing... Let me start in December. He told me he likes to give people presents for christmas so I thought that was a clue that he was going to get me something. He was being really nice. He stood out in the cold with me while I was doing my bell ringing for the Salvation Army and even bought me hand and foot warmers. So then he comes over to my room the week before we leave for break and I give a blanket that I made for him. I noticed he liked JohnDeere products and we talked about how he had always wanted his mom to make him a fleece blanket that you just tie together. So I found JohnDeere fleece and yellow fleece and made it for him. I got nothing, which I was kind of cool with. I'm not too materialistic but even a friggin kiss would have been nice. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! So now on to January, we get back to school and I he tells me he's gonna be really busy with classes. I understand that. But everytime I see him now he seems irritated that I say hi to him. and everytime I see him he is with his ex-gf, who by the way is nicer to me when she sees me on campus than Justin. So after the third time I got brushed off I blocked him from my aim and deleted him from myspace and facebook. I'm done with him. I blew off at least 3 really really good guys because I thought we had a chance. (I blew off more guys than that but the other few were creepy stalker-esque guys). That is the thing that pisses me off the most. I could have been having a good time with other guys but instead I was stupid and concentrated on him. Now I'm just out to have fun. No more thinking about a relationship when I first meet a guy. Nope. Single I be. lol. I know this probably won't last long but I have to try something new b/c being miserable isn't working. | | |
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| So I met a guy about two weeks ago. He seems really nice. I think I like him. He is a gentleman, funny, outdoorsy, a goof, and it seems like he is the kind of guy I want. Unfortunately now I'm attached. This is not going to be fun. I can already see myself getting my heart broken. He seems to like me. The problem is he doesn't tell me anything right out. One of his friends last night told me that his recent ex-girlfriend has been getting jealous because of the attention Justin is giving me. By the way the guy's name is Justin and his ex-girlfriend is Julie. I was told she is not mad at me and likes me but for some reason is mad at Justin. But they are still really good friends. Which scares me because they seem so good together, so if they are meant for each other, that leaves me on the sidelines. She broke up Justin so that confuses me even more. I'm really afraid I'm some rebound girl. So I feel I need to distance myself emotionally from the relationship. But then I'm afraid that he really does like me and will think I'm not interested. I know I'm already attached. And it's a sad fact that nothing will probably will come from this. I guess I'm writing this to warn you guys I will need someone's shoulder to cry on sooner or later, because even though my head is telling me that nothing is coming from this my heart is telling me to take the chance. | | |
| Alrighty! My first cancelled class ever happened today! yay! It was my public speaking class from 9.30-10.45. I don't know what the reason was there was just a sign on his door. It's awesome because the only other class I have is gen. chemistry from 5.00-5.50! I'm so tired right now. I know if I take a nap though I probably won't wake up for a while. I'm gonna try to get all my chemistry finished so I don't have anything to worry about it this weekend when (and if) Angie comes up. My mom seems to think that she won't come up. So now she's got me worrying. Eh, I guess I could do more stuff if she didn't come up, because my mom will come up either way so I can do more stuff that Angie wouldn't be able to pay for. oh well whatever happens happens. I'm kind of hungry so I'm gonna go get some lunch. | | |
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